


Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Out Of A Plastic Bag

by SpaceJammie



Series: MatsuHana Fics Collection [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (Baby doll acquisition that is), Accidental Baby Acquisition, And if that's not relatable then I dont know what is, But Oikawa also wasted a ton of money on that prank, Crack, Don't play the prank if you can't handle the revenge, Either way there were poorly thought through impulse buys, Established Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hanamaki is tired of going to baby showers, He is so petty, He probably wasted so much money on that, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Inside Joke Fic, Its Iwaizumi and Oikawa's joint bank account, Iwaizumi will not bail Oikawa out this time, M/M, Oikawa Tooru is a Little Shit, Or possibly Hanamaki and Matsukawa's joint bank account?, Please read my other fics of you want actual story line lol, Really though where did Hanamaki buy so many baby dolls from, So who is the real victim here?, The kind of petty we can only dream of but never truly grasp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27322735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceJammie/pseuds/SpaceJammie
Summary: Hanamaki and Matsukawa get revenge on Oikawa over something ridiculous.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira
Series: MatsuHana Fics Collection [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2010091
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34





	Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Out Of A Plastic Bag

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mythical_Beasts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mythical_Beasts/gifts).



> I wrote this for Mythical, thanks for the absolutely hilarious art you did for me.
> 
> Oh right, here is [the art link](https://hqisthebest.tumblr.com/post/633533041017602048/the-audacity-of-my-protagonist-chapter-2) for that!

It was a Saturday afternoon. Hanamaki and Matsukawa were on their way to Oikawa's party and were currently riding the subway together. Their former captain was throwing a baby shower for Kindaichi and Kunimi, who had just received approval to have a surrogate carry their child. 

"This is the fifth baby shower we've gone to this year. I feel like an old man, watching all my friends get married and have kids," Hanamaki said grumpily as he scrolled through his phone. 

Matsukawa hummed and glanced at his boyfriend. "Well, you _are_ getting close to thirty. Is that a grey hair?" He had reached over to poke at Hanamaki's head. 

Hanamaki smacked his boyfriend's hand. "How dare you? I'm the picture of youth!"

Matsukawa let out a low chuckle and put his arm over his boyfriend's shoulders, then gave the man a squeeze. "I'm only teasing. You're as beautiful now as the first day I met you. Maybe even more beautiful."

As Hanamaki blushed a little despite his lingering pout, he leaned into Matsukawa's embrace. His boyfriend knew his weakness for compliments. It's part of why he could never stay mad at him.

Beside Hanamaki was a huge plastic bag. It basically took over the entire seat beside him, which had earned him some irritated looks from other passengers. Meanwhile, Matsukawa had a nicely wrapped present on his lap. And one might wrongly assume that the large plastic bag contained a gift, as well.

Matsukawa glanced at the bag his boyfriend held, which was drawing attention from other passengers. "Why won't you tell me what's in the bag?"

With a devious smirk, Hanamaki gave his reply. "Because that would ruin the surprise. I just happened to hear from Iwaizumi that Oikawa has an embarrassing game planned and I thought I'd bring along a little revenge."

Matsukawa grimaced as he tried to imagine what Oikawa had planned. Most of their old team would be at the party and there were plenty of ways to make them look silly in the name of a baby shower game. 

The two men finally arrived at Oikawa's large house. They were a little late, so everyone else was already there and starting on games. When Iwaizumi let them into the house, they saw that everyone was at a table trying baby foods and guessing the flavor. 

Kindaichi was gagging on whatever one he had tried. "Why does this taste like blended up beef?"

Oikawa laughed maniacally as he watched his friends trying the baby food. "Because it is!!"

It seemed that Oikawa picked out the worst tasting baby foods for the game. 

Matsukawa whispered to Hanamaki. "Is that the game Iwaizumi told you about?" 

"No, you'll see."

As people started refusing to taste more of the baby food, Oikawa clapped loudly to gather attention. "Okay, let's do the next game. I have a basket full of adult onesies. Everyone put one on. The cutest man baby, which I will choose, gets a prize!"

Everyone started complaining and refusing to participate.

Matsukawa raised an eyebrow and glanced at Hanamaki. "Is this the game?"

Hanamakie nodded.

Oikawa spoke up again, giving a sly smile. "The prize is one thousand dollars, by the way."

There was a moment of silence, and then everyone rushed over to grab an adult onesie to put on. Hanamaki and Matsukawa joined in as well (because one thousand dollars was well worth it). Hanamaki left his bag of secret revenge near the table with the gifts before he went to go change. 

Soon, everyone was wearing an adult onesie, except for Oikawa (because a judge can't participate, you know) and Iwaizumi (because he said he would put hair removal cream into Oikawa's shampoo if the man dared try and make him).

Hanamaki and Matsukawa looked at each other, then started laughing uncontrollably.

"You look ridiculous," Hanamaki said as he tried to calm himself. 

Matsukawa turned around and tried to look at this butt, which barely fit into the onesie. "How does my ass look?"

Hanamaki smacked it as he replied through his laugher. "Hot as always, darling."

Their whole former volleyball team, aside from Oikawa and Iwaizumi, were examining each other in the adult onesies. There was much heated debate about who was going to win the one thousand dollar prize. 

Suddenly, Hanamaki realized that Oikawa was taking pictures of everyone while giggling. And Iwaizumi was standing beside him, shaking his head in disapproval. 

Matsukawa crossed his arms and looked at Oikawa. "Well, who wins the money?"

Oikawa calmed himself as he took a few more pictures. "Oh, right. There's no money. I just wanted to get pictures of you all wearing the onesies."

Everyone looked pissed, including Hanamaki and Matsukawa. 

Hanamaki walked over to his large plastic bag and brought it back with him as he stood beside Matsukawa. He nudged him and opened the bag a bit to show him what was inside.

"Ready for revenge?"

Matsukawa looked into the bag. There were at least thirty baby dolls of various sizes. "How do you plan on getting revenge with these?"

Hanamaki smiled mischievously and reached into the bag. He pulled out one of the larger dolls and then chucked it as hard as he could at Oikawa, earning a screech from their former captain as it hit his face.

Matsukawa nodded in understanding as he grabbed a baby doll and threw it forcefully. "I see. Good plan."

The other former members of their team noticed the revenge dolls and joined in throwing them at Oikawa, who was still screaming as he was pelted with the toys.

Iwaizumi had left Oikawa and moved to safety in the kitchen. He had tried to talk him out of the game in the first place, and was intending to let him receive the wrath of their friends. 

As the group of men in adult onesies continued to throw dolls at Oikawa, the former captain decided he needed to rethink his definition of a good joke. 

  
  
  



End file.
